UPDATE: 05/11/07    Did you see the new Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)?

 Involved in a custody dispute? Seeking fairness and basic decency in a system plagued too often by the surprising reality that the word "justice" actually means "just us"... for the other side?

 Although in practiced, daily terms there exists an overwhelming bias and prejudice in this nation's family court systems towards currently favoring the mother/wife over the father/husband when it comes to custody, division of property, and the like - take heart, because much of the actual written law (especially Federal law, when it comes to civil rights) is worded and phrased in terms designed to be specifically gender-neutral, and even critical of things that do not comply with being gender-neutral.

 The trick for you, then, is to be educated about the legal rights you already have, whether they are civil/constitutional rights, statutory rights, or whatever. And, don't rely on only the fact that you actually have rights (even though often it may not seem like it), but remember that children have legal rights, also.

 NEW: Click here for important indigent rights to free attorneys and etc. in family law, including divorce proceedings, DNA testing, and general paternity proceedings!

 In fact, in every state there are various branches of social programs and outreach organizations, as well as specific laws, rules and guidelines, all ostensibly designed to promote protection, fairness, mediation, counseling and more towards developing and maintaining equitable environments in children's various living arrangements. Seek these out, and utilize their services to the benefit of yourself, your child(ren), and/or your "family" - all as is appropriate and may be necessary, after careful consideration. In addition, if your particular "family" situation involves any serious issues of medical health, mental health, delinquency, criminal activity, or etc. of your juvenile(s), you may have strong grounds to involve and use the authorities in your custody case. See the "CHINS" topic below.

 Please be very cautious when considering whether or not to use any of these latter methods as part of your custody strategy, as unless there are very seriously damaging issues involved, it is never - repeat, never - a good idea to alienate the other parent just because you have the means to do so.

 Even more importantly, do not allow disputes with the other parent to become bitterness or estrangement in your relationships with your child(ren). Do not stoop to doing the kinds of things that your significant other may be doing, with or without your knowledge. Children are smarter than you think, consciously and subconsciously "picking up" on tendencies or direct actions by one parent to bad-mouth, manipulate, or "bash" the other parent.

 Always take the high road, and in every facet of your struggle to obtain what you believe is just and fair for yourself and your child(ren), do what is right - not necessarily everything you can - but, keeping in mind that the other parent, already emotionally unhappy with you, may very well have every intention of using "every trick in the book" against you, even things and people that you would have never dreamed of before. Be on guard.

 With all that said, it is critical that you also understand this very important point: in the end, all attorneys work primarily for their fees, not to fight and die protecting your right to the bitter end. Really. Even if your attorney is a decades-old trusted friend or associate, he or she just may not be aware of all the things that can benefit your case. You need to be educated and informed as much as possible, because a child custody decision will affect all of you for the rest of your lives.

 You may want to check out this set of links to online SELF-HELP LEGAL CENTERS for each state, or this great links list to any state's laws on a particular topic ("child support", "divorce", etc...), or this great list of links to each state's official laws, rules of court, and etc.

 Remember the following rights. You have the:

• RIGHT to equal custody, given no unusual circumstances. See our Home Page.
• RIGHT to claim and initiate counseling designed to save the marriage. Be forewarned - secular counselors are not going to be as driven to save your marriage as much as your local pastor, priest or rabbi. Saving your marriage, if at all possible, is always the best solution for all involved. At the very least, counseling now will help prevent future problems. Try the counseling.
• RIGHT to a GAL/CASA representing the best interests of your child(ren). A "Guardian Ad Litem" or "Court Appointed Special Advocate" may or may not just be another attorney, and will interview both parents, the child(ren), school(s), day care(s), and etc., preparing a written report to "guide" the court's custody decision.
• RIGHT to have mental and/or physical examinations/evaluations of the other parent, and/or the child(ren) done - again, assumably to help form and guide the court's decisions.
• RIGHT to request mediation services - sometimes known as alternative dispute resolution (ADR). Usually much less expensive than slugging it out between lawyers, it is also more informal, and can help speed things along, in an environment with less pressure.
• RIGHT to remain in your home. Although commonly used as one of the first, and most malicious, weapons in a separation, divorce, or like circumstances, an eviction clause under an emergency protective or restraining order is a direct violation of constitutional rights to be free from illegal seizures (of your home from you, and of your liberty to live where you will), especially without even having had Due Process first. The law, as written in most states, provides certain provisions for evicting one party out of a family residence under legal separation or divorce proceedings. Evictions of unmarried co-habitators, with both parties' names on the lease, mortgage or etc., have generally not been specifically addressed by written law yet, so if this is your situation, stay put. In any case, ICRC believes that any eviction under separation proceedings of either married or unmarried parents is a direct constitutional rights violation, is way too often abused as a pre-emptive "strike" weapon, instantly transforming one parent into a homeless person with no physical access to belongings and etc., and can no longer be tolerated under any domestic relations action. If one party doesn't "feel safe" or etc., then that party is certainly an adult with the right, and the freedom, to move out. All other things considered equal, the child(ren) should continue residing in the family home. Related items below.
• RIGHT to protection from any ill-effects of an emergency protective or restraining order. These "emergency" orders are routinely done without the presences of both parties, inherently violating Due Process and Illegal Search and Seizure rights under the U.S. Constitution, let alone the individual State constitutions themselves. Basically, these emergency orders are entirely illegal to begin with, and disguised under the false notion that you could not be located or contacted, so a(n emergency) hearing was held without you. Illegal as all get out.
• RIGHT to request and receive the CHINS services from local authorities if necessary. "CHINS" is a legal term regarding various juvenile problems coming under the authority of the State. It is an acronym standing for "child in need of services".
• RIGHT to have paternity of a child formally established by legal proceedings - and first, BEFORE any orders of child support are made by any court.
• RIGHT to the legal limits of garnishment for all child support orders and other judgments. The Federal maximum limit is between 50% and 65% of your disposable earnings (15 USC 1673 "Restriction on garnishment"). This is your net income after taxes and etc., not basing the percentages on your gross income, which is yet more violations of constitutional rights (Illegal Search and Seizure, Equal Protection, and Due Process). Each state is supposed to have its own like-worded law also. Indiana's version is IC 24-4.5-5, specifically sections 104 and 105.
• RIGHT to Due Process of the law - but you need to become familiar with what exactly is that process, yourself, not by asking an attorney or someone else. Read the law yourself.
• RIGHT to Equal Protection of the law. By the way, this actually includes gender classes, in addition to the regular person-for-person. Men must be protected equally as well as women, for example.
• RIGHT to be free from even the appearance of any kind of bias, prejudice or discrimination in any courtroom, legal proceedings, or involvement with any state or federal agency or personnel, period. These protections are also guaranteed under various federal law and constitutional/civil rights.
• RIGHT to hold attorneys, judges, and/or any other state or federal officials or personnel accountable and responsible for their actions. That's correct - attorneys and judges are not above the law. If need be, file official complaints with your state's supreme court, bar association, and office of court administration. File requests for review with the state ethics commission, if appropriate. File criminal charges against them with the county prosecutor's office (which may do no good, of course), if you are sure a crime has been committed. File copies of these same criminal charges with the previously mentioned institutions, for good measure. If they have violated your civil rights, then file criminal charges with your local U.S. Attorney (the federal prosecutor), under at least 18 USC 241, 18 USC 242, and/or 42 USC 1995 (basic civil rights crimes), if not other federal criminal laws as well. While you are at it, go down to your local U.S. District Court, and sue them for damages under interfering with your civil rights (42 USC 1983, 42 USC 1985, and/or 42 USC 1986).
• RIGHT to an appeal of your case to the next higher state court. This process varies from state to state, but generally speaking, you normally only have something like thirty days from the date of a "bad" court order to file at least a "Notice of Appeal", in order to preserve your right to an appeal. Appeals are expensive, unless you do it yourself, and county court judges and attorneys know it. Again, it seems that sometimes, you can only get as much "justice" as you can afford...
• RIGHT to remove a case right out from under the nose of any state judge, whether small claims, county, municipal, or whatever, and directly into a federal (U.S. District) court, if you can show any form of civil/constitutional rights violations by the lower court (U.S. Code, Title 42, Chapter 21).

 For more information on the actual written laws themselves, please see our "Legal & Gov't" page, and/or go to your local county classaction webpage, for even more possible links to your particular state's online law resources.

 Above all, just learn and know your rights yourself, and don't blindly trust your attorney in anything. It's your case.